THE TEXAS GOP SHOULD BE TRIED FOR TREASON

These worthless, subhuman fuck-puddles should be indicted for treason. Why, you ask. Why should such drastic steps be taken? Well, I'll tell you why. Because they want to lobotomize your kids into useful idiots for the Religious Reich.

Exhibit A in favor of their incarceration: http://www.tfn.org/site/DocServer/2012-Platform-Final.pdf?docID=3201

Here's a few quotes from their platform; "Controversial Theories – We support objective teaching and equal treatment of all sides of scientific theories. We believe theories such as life origins and environmental change should be taught as challengeable scientific theories subject to change as new data is produced. Teachers and students should be able to discuss the strengths and weaknesses of these theories openly and without fear of retribution or discrimination of any kind."

They already are, you retards. In my geology class, everyone could question the processes under discussion, which frequently included evolution. Nobody was ever shouted down, punished, threatened, or mocked; in fact, our professor, Phil, encouraged us to ask away. But of course, having probably never set foot in a college, what can you possibly know about it? And we all know that this is just a Trojan Horse for you morons to try and sneak creationism in on. But this is only the least of their assaults on logic, truth, and freedom.

 "American Identity Patriotism and Loyalty – We believe the current teaching of a multicultural curriculum is divisive. We favor strengthening our common American identity and loyalty instead of political correctness that nurtures alienation among racial and ethnic groups. Students should pledge allegiance to the American and Texas flags daily to instill patriotism."

That's right! Who wants or needs to know about the million different times and ways we fucked over minorities in this country? This is AMER-RI-CUH!! WHITE FOLKS' SHIT DON'T STINK!! So, historical revision for political ends, which should automatically forfeit your right to existence in my book.

"Homosexuality ― We affirm that the practice of homosexuality tears at the fabric of society and contributes to the breakdown of the family unit. Homosexual behavior is contrary to the fundamental, unchanging truths that have been ordained by God, recognized by our country’s founders, and shared by the majority of Texans."

You know, the one central question I've always had in regards to homosexuality breaking down civilization,threatening traditional marriage, etc., is how? If gay marriage is made legal, how will it destroy society? This assertion is made by conservative Christians on a daily basis, and has been so for decades, and yet there's never been a single scrap of proof for it. Because hey, if the Fuhrer All Mighty wants Jews homosexuals to be eradicated prohibited from marrying, who are we to question it or think about it? And yes, I broke Godwin's Law there, but it doesn't matter because the analogy is valid in this case.

"Family and Defense of Marriage ― We support the definition of marriage as a God-ordained, legal and moral commitment only between a natural man and a natural woman, which is the foundational unit of a healthy society, and we oppose the assault on marriage by judicial activists. We call on the President and Congress to take immediate action to defend the sanctity of marriage. We are resolute that Congress exercise authority under the United States Constitution, and pass legislation withholding jurisdiction from the Federal Courts in cases involving family law, especially any changes in the definition of marriage. We further call on Congress to pass and the state legislatures to ratify a marriage amendment declaring that marriage in the United States shall consist of and be recognized only as the union of a natural man and a natural woman. Neither the United States nor any state shall recognize or grant to any unmarried person the legal rights or status of a spouse. We oppose the recognition of and granting of benefits to people who represent themselves as domestic partners without being legally married. We advocate the repeal of laws that place an unfair tax burden on families. We call upon Congress to completely remove the marriage penalty in the tax code, whereby a married couple receives a smaller standard deduction than their unmarried counterparts living together. The primary family unit consists of those related by blood, heterosexual marriage, or adoption. The family is responsible for its own welfare, education, moral training, conduct, and property."

Submitted without comment.

"Pledge of Allegiance - We support adoption of the Pledge Protection Act. We also urge that the National Motto “In God We Trust” and National Anthem be protected from legislative and judicial attack."

That's not the national motto, you stupid douches. Our motto is "E Pluribis Unum", or "Many Out of One", so your fictional god can go fuck himself since he's a fascist, genocidal bigot whose values and personality as revealed in the old testament are utterly un-American and have far more in common with those of Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Mao Zedong, and other Narcissist megalomaniacs. Congratulations; you just failed American history. Tender your resignations,assholes. Seriously.

"Protection from Extreme Environmentalists – We strongly oppose all efforts of the extreme environmental groups that stymie legitimate business interests. We strongly oppose those efforts that attempt to use the environmental causes to purposefully disrupt and stop those interests within the oil and gas industry. We strongly support the immediate repeal of the Endangered Species Act. We strongly oppose the listing of the dune sage brush lizard either as a threatened or an endangered species. We believe the Environmental Protection Agency should be abolished."

Right, because it's not like we need an "ecosystem" or something, right? Right? And don't forget, with no E.P.A. (i.e., some kind of government agency regulating the environment and enforcing laws designed to keep the planet, and by extension, our species safe and healthy), massive corporations can dump toxic waste in streams and rivers, so next time you're out camping, you better not let little Timmy go for a dip, or his dick might fall off. Dipshits.

"Knowledge-Based Education – We oppose the teaching of Higher Order Thinking Skills (HOTS) (values clarification), critical thinking skills and similar programs that are simply a relabeling of Outcome-Based Education (OBE) (mastery learning) which focus on behavior modification and have the purpose of challenging the student’s fixed beliefs and undermining parental authority."

Translation: anything that makes your kids smarter and capable of thinking for themselves is to abolished and replaced with indoctrination that encourages blind, thoughtless acceptance of authority so that they'll do whatever we tell them to do and will make an excellent slave caste of useful idiots that has been intellectual castrated and thus poses no threat to us, and will make no protest as their rights are eroded and finally done away with altogether.

Everyone who signed to this should be taken out of office immediately. That Texans could even elect scum like this is mind-boggling.

Sex Education – We recognize parental responsibility and authority regarding sex education. We believe that parents must be given an opportunity to review the material prior to giving their consent. We oppose any sex education other than abstinence until marriage."

Despite the fact that abstinence only DOES NOT WORK. Mississippi has abstinence only sex ed, and guess what? They have the highest rates of teen pregnancy and abortion in the entire U.S. If you dildo lizards were genuinely "pro-life", and really wanted to end abortion, then you would pull your heads out of your asses and realize that safe sex is the ONLY working solution to teen pregnancy. People were having bastards in the 60s, 50s, 40s, 30s, and 20s, and have been having bastards since the dawn of time. The human sex drive is far stronger than any religion ever was, and cannot be denied. Unless you're willing to become a eunuch, or course, which I'll welcome in the case of everyone who signed this document.

"Traditional Principles in Education – We support school subjects with emphasis on the Judeo-Christian principles upon which America was founded and which form the basis of America’s legal, political and economic systems. We support curricula that are heavily weighted on original founding documents, including the Declaration of Independence, the US Constitution, and Founders’ writings."

You just failed American history... again. Our Constitution, which you mindless half-wits have been referencing throughout this dismal pit of anti-intellectual shit, is completely secular, and does not reference your shitty Christian death cult at any place. Since you are all ignorant, lying, retarded cunt monkeys, here is the preamble of the Constitution pasted for your reading pleasure, since any attempt to educate or enlighten you is doomed to fail;

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

"We the People...", I don't see anything about God, Jesus, the bible, or any other religious tripe. Then we have the No Religious Test Clause and the prohibitions placed on religion by the First Amendment; that Congress shall make no law respecting ANY establishment of religion. I know you don't care about the Constitution, or that is, any part that inconveniences your Dominionist agenda, but thankfully, this is not the Dark Ages, and we have a wall of separation between church and state.

"Safeguarding Our Religious Liberties – We affirm that the public acknowledgement of God is undeniable in our history and is vital to our freedom, prosperity and strength. We pledge our influence toward a return to the original intent of the First Amendment and toward dispelling the myth of separation of church and state. We urge the Legislature to increase the ability of faith-based institutions and other organizations to assist the needy and to reduce regulation of such organizations."

" Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between Man & his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, & not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should "make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof," thus building a wall of separation between Church & State." --Thomas Jefferson, January 1st, 1802. [source]

"As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion..." --Treaty of Tripoli, Article 11, 1796-1797. [source]

So, in this document, you have lied, distorted facts, and made clear your intentions to violate the rights of non-heterosexual citizens, revise American history for your own ends, alter the public education system in a blatantly un-Constitutional matter, and have conspired to commit treason against the United States in both word and deed. Anyone who votes for any of you is certifiably retarded.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

The fire that keeps the engine of Christianity wheezing along is the fear of death. Because Christianity proposes a "Happy Ending" for Troo B'lievers™, there will need to be a better answer from the opposition to crush Christianity (and other religions that promise rewards in an afterlife where one isn't really dead after dying...). Personally, I don't think it can be done. People will cling to absurd fairy tales that make them feel good rather than face the horror of personal extinction. In that sense, virtually everyone who is religious has a "troubled mind".
It's not about education and reason; it's about what's comfortable or what makes one feel good. Religion is a drug and humanity is an addict. Withdrawal will be painful and bloody. --GearHedEd

MY FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH AN I.D.ER

"I know more science than you do, as evidenced by my condescending tone and claims of possessing several degrees in biology and chemistry, even though I don't know that there are different kinds of mutations or that entropy only applies to closed systems." --Sci Teacher

EVERY DEBATE WITH A CREATIONIST EVER

New [I]diotic [D]rivel articles from Marvin Olasky not withstanding (since I enjoy ripping that sanctimonious pseudo-intellectual dipshit a new asshole), I'm more or less finished with creationist refutations. What's the point? Contrary to what YECS and Idiots say, there is no debate; there hasn't been one since the dawn of the 20th century. The only people who remain unconvinced of evolution are ignorant religious fanatics whose opinions on science were meaningless to begin with and fringe lunatics who, despite having actual scientific degrees, a rarity among Cretinists, are still incapable of formulating intelligent arguments involving falsifiable mechanisms, observations in the lab/nature, and any kind of actual experimentation. Really, I.D. is just a catalog of concepts that IDers (spuriously and/or ignorantly) claim Darwinian evolution via natural selection doesn't satisfactorily explain. So, I have posted this video to celebrate my victories over creationists, all of which were crushing, yet mean nothing in the long run since I'm a novice to science and the debate, as mentioned earlier, was already over. Enjoy.

RESIDENT EVIL SUCKS

If you liked the Resident Evil movies, you deserve to be bludgeoned with a golf club.

These movies suck more donkey cock than Paris Hilton. Oh yeah, this is a movie review by the way, because if I don't alleviate the choking hatred for this franchise that's been building up in my system for some time now, I may just snap.

Resident Evil, 2002.

This actually started as a decent movie. We got to see Milla Jovovich (mostly) naked and were introduced to bad-ass commandos (not that there's any other kind of commando, you understand). Gradually, the tension and unease increases as the characters make their way into the bowels of the shady Umbrella Corporation's mansion, which was built on top of a giant underground lab (called the "Hive") as a cover. The story is that the A.I. who monitors and regulates the systems of the Hive, called the Red Queen, went crazy and killed everyone for no reason, using toxic gas and falling elevators. It also locks some scientists in a lab and then turns on the sprinkler system, which is pretty bad for them and really fun for me to watch. However, what the commandos don't know is that the Red Queen isn't insane, but was actually attempting (she is holographically represented as a little girl, by the way) to contain a bio-hazard leak from the lab. However, the build-up leading up to the inevitable zombie dinner party leads to the biggest let-down of all; no cannibalism.

WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS, MAN?

Yeah. Not a single small intestines was in sight, or devoured by ghouls. We didn't even get to see a head explosion. And it gets worse. When they first get in and go to shut down R.Q., they have to get through this strange hallway full of glass and mirrors. And...lethal lasers! After the rest die, the awesome bad-ass commando squad leader dies the dumbest movie death of all time. If you look behind him right before the laser net gets him, you'll see that he had about three feet of space at the end of the hall where there was no glass, and thus, the laser could not get him. And he just stood there. HE JUST FUCKING STOOD THERE!!! And then the writers/director pussy out big-time by not even letting us watch his dissected body slide apart in a flood of blood and entrails. If you can't even write a decent death for the only cool character in the movie, why do you even go on? Oh, and it gets worse. A while after this, as zombies force our losers heroes towards the only exit in this stadium-like storage facility, one soldier runs up, pushes the other dude out of the way, types in the code--and gets grabbed by about a hundred zombies who were standing on the other side. Hottie Michelle Rodriguez gets bitten.

DOES HE GET EATEN?

No. He goes down under a crowd, but he doesn't get torn apart. Oh, and when he comes back as a zombie later on, he looks exactly the same, except he's got blood on his name tag and some minor bites on his hands and face that look like they came from rabid preschoolers with atrophied jaw muscles.

THAT'S REALLY LAME.

Yeah, I know.

THEN WHAT HAPPENS?  

I track down and massacre the screenwriters in a hail of automatic gunfire and avenge the legacy of the video games, right after I firebomb the studio that green-lighted the script and walk away silhouetted by the flames.

*SIGH* So the the survivors escape by crawling through the air ducts (really original) and end up in the sewer under-level. Then zombies find them, and Michelle Rodriguez gets bitten--again--and they escape by climbing on top of the ducts that are suspended perhaps three feet above the heads of the zombie horde. They spend a brief moment up there, with the zombies moaning, growling, and stretching their rotten fingers up less than a foot below our heroes. This is one of the only genuinely good parts of the film. Then they go back and reboot the artificial intelligence they deactivated earlier, which is what opened all the doors and let the zombies out, which helps them because they'll fry it permanently if it doesn't. Then they run through the top-secret labs of Idontgiveashit. Alice, Milla Jovovich's role, learns that she was married to one of the characters, but forgot because when the T-virus was unleashed in the underground lab (called the "Hive"), knock-out gas conked her out, which makes no sense whatsoever, but hey, the whole "Total Recall" plot is popular with nerds, so why not? Then it turns out that her beau is the one who unleashed the virus, because he was betraying Umbrella and wanted to sell it on the black market (thus covering up his theft with the outbreak) to Saddam Hussein so he could wipe out Israel and then threaten the world with radioactive Jewish zombies (much to the delight of Christians everywhere) while he, her husband retires in Miami Beach.

Oh yeah, I just made that last bit up on the spot, but it's still more coherent than the actual story.

So then they get on a train, and the delightful Michelle Rodriguez turns into a zombie and menaces the only surviving male like a drunken, horny prom date while Alice fights a Licker, this giant, hideous mutant monster created when Umbrella injected the T-virus into animals. After a few hectic moments of uber-realistic CGI terror, Alice traps the Licker's tongue and then shuts the hatch doors on the bottom of the train, severing it's tongue and sending it under the wheels. Then they get into the mansion, but the doors lock them in. Oh, did I neglect to mention that they only had like six hours at the beginning of this shit festival to get out of the Hive before it sealed them in? Oh well. But lo! gas-masked scientists in Hazmat suits come in and take them away, and the guy starts mutating into... well, you'll find out. Then she wakes up in a hospital and the zombie apocalypse has begun, evidenced by the empty, desolate city she walks out into. Cue credits.

Score: 6 out of 10, and it only gets that because of Milla's lovely curves.

THINGS I LEARNED.
>Milla Jovovich is hot.
>Hollywood corrupts everything it touches, turning hours of fond childhood memories into vacuous, pop culture trash.
>Any zombie film that fails to deliver sickening and depraved blood and gore has sold out to the Religious Reich, and fails as a movie, no matter how otherwise good it may have been.
>Writing movie reviews is really fucking boring. I almost ended it right after the Saddam part, and every word after the failed zombie/cannibalism scene was painful.
>Badass characters deserve fitting death scenes. That I have to actually express this for the filmmaker's benefit is depressing.Take a writing class, for crying out loud.
>I hate the fans of this tasteless franchise with a passion. Eat my shit, losers.

SUBHUMAN OF THE WEEK

"When your swimn in the lak-ofire with ovomit and ilk, none of your inane and vain bablings will matter.
Romans 1
28 Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. 29 They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31 they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. 32 Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them."

This priceless piece of Christian love from one "Mark_OneTwo", at The Political Outcast.

My, such morality! Merely by virtue of not being a Christian, I deserve to "swimn in the lak-ofire with ovomit and ilk". I bet Mark was his English teacher's favorite student.


It's nice to see that right-wing Christian fundies are still illiterate, dull, brutish fascist fuck-buckets who drool at the thought of homosexuals and atheists being forced to swim in a lake of burning sulfur (and now "ovomit" as well), presumably while they watch from Heaven. One wonders if all bible-thumpers' masturbatory fantasies are this graphic. And let us not neglect to point the delicious irony of Mark calling me depraved (in the bible passage) while laying out his fantasy about my eternal fate.