THE READERS OF WORLD ARE RETARDED

So yesterday, I got my latest issue of evangelical shit-rag, WORLD. Thankfully, Marvin Olasky decided to stop embarrassing himself with his moronic, infantile rants over the proven fact of evolution. However, as this is still a Christian publication I'm talking about, it goes without saying that even absent anti-science drivel, the overall concentration of Stupid was still strong. Long story short, Joel Belz, a writer for WORLD, asked of readers this question; "If you could identify just one issue that is terribly askew in our country today,, and then were granted as a gift from God the ability to set that one issue right, what would it be?"

After reading through the replies, Belz decided to divide the vat majority of issues into nine distinct categories. He starts with number one on the list of perceived problems, but because that supposed "issue" is unspeakably stupid, I shall run through the list in opposite order and save the biggest pile of shit for last.

9. Obsession with sex.

    Of course. Because if people actually talk about sex and accept it in movies and books without trying to overturn the Bill of Rights in a public self-righteous shit-storm of biblical proportions, our society is in deep trouble. Seriously? With the economy sinking like the Titanic and our high schools graduating semi-literates, how the fuck did this even get on the list? I realize Christians are inherently delusional, but this--this is just stupid. Get a grip, folks. People like sex, and unlike you, not everyone is afraid of and/or ashamed of what's in between their legs.

8. Loss of honest and civil public discourse.

    Okay, losing honest discourse is a valid issue. Few things are more boring than watching politicians stumble through interviews by dodging the issue at hand and asserting personal flaws in their critics. It's almost as bad as reading apologetics. But civil? When has politics ever been civil? The presidential election of 1789 was one of unmitigated mud-slinging, and set the tone for every election since. You can't lose something that was never there to begin with. And while it is an admirable sentiment to long for civil discourse, politicians launch personal attacks on each other because that's what the American people, in general, respond to.

7. Loss of specific freedoms.

   I actually agree with them on this. The whole Airport TSA thing is a travesty and has gone on far too long. That's why you won't find me catching a flight, even if I did have the money to do so. In addition, recent attempts to curb free speech are idiotic. If you don't like what someone is saying, you can protest or leave the area. And if people don't like what you are saying, likewise.

6. Loss of a defined dominant culture, with attendant culture wars.

   Okay, that is just fucking chilling. "Loss of dominant culture"? WTF? America is an amalgamation of different cultures; there is no one culture that is or was dominant, and since these cultures have mixed over the centuries into unique combinations not found anywhere else, there can't be one, either. It simply isn't possible. Secondly, culture wars are an expression of free speech; when people are debating the legality and morality of different issues, it means that the culture is alive and well with people thinking and testing for themselves. A complacent culture where no one questions tradition or authority is stagnant.

5. Sense of entitlement, selfishness, and complacency.

   While I agree with all of the above, I find it ironic, especially in light of issue No. 1 and 6, that evangelical Christians are talking about entitlement when many of them feel entitled to display religious symbols and sentiments on state property, or try to have their baseless beliefs taught as fact in public schools despite this being a violation of the Constitution? The same people who claim the America was founded on "biblical", "Judeo-Christian" values when our founding documents are secular, and explicitly state the this government was being formed by the people, for the people, with no mention of Jesus, God, or the bible anywhere in sight. In fact, the Constitution only mentions religion when barring it from interfering in state affairs, and insuring that the government cannot regulate or control it.

4. Loss of tools to educate and shape the rising generation.

   Yes, our education system sucks. For so many reasons that it boggles the mind. What is it? The mindless "No Child Left Behind" policy that dumbs down classroom interaction and standards? The lazy idiots who comprise so much of my generation? Who knows? We just need to fix this shit, and either trim the fat from NCLB, or drop it all together.

3. Abortion.

   I agree. And no, I'm not being sarcastic, either; I think that unless you're facing life-threatening complications, or the fetus is hopelessly deformed, there is no excuse for abortion. And before somebody assembles the lynch mob, let me clarify something; people argue for non-medical abortion on the basis that many people cannot afford to care for their child, and yet, adoption is free; abortions cost hundreds of dollars. And to be honest, the entire debate over whether or not a fetus is human, or at which point it becomes human, is irrelevant. It's a bullshit technicality, nothing more. A fetus may or may not be human; but left alone to develop, it will eventually become one, something that cancer cannot do. While the Religious Reich opposes abortion mainly because they don't like women making choices for themselves, I oppose it because it seems like an excuse to be selfish. Again, I could be wrong, and I welcome any input, just don't waste my time by calling me a misogynist or fascist conservative; I'm not, and my frequent criticisms of the bible for it's overtly sexist view of women as chattels should be proof to the contrary.

2. Loss of distinctive identities of men and women, leading to a loss of understanding of marriage and family.

   What a load of shit. See, this is what I'm talking about right here; how have men and women lost their identities? We still have penises and vaginas, right? Or let me guess, it's because women are now equal to men and can vote and speak in public, and own property. Well, too bad; the Dark Ages are over, and we're not going back. Also, marriage requires no understanding; it's a legal contract/union between two people pledging to only have sex with each other, share and share alike, and not run out when times are tough (which a lot of shit-heels ignore, of course). No more, no less. Family is the spawn of this union, and the responsibility of the parents to take care of and provide for in every way they can. There, that wasn't so hard, was it?

And now, for the most excementatious pile of shit I've read in days (since I've been debating Christians on YouTube lately), here is, according to the vast majority of WORLD's readers, the number one thing that is wrong with our country, and that they would fix, that is, remove, if God would only let them.

1. The secularization of our culture---led by the rejection of a Creator God and the dominance of evolutionary thinking.

   Wow. We've truly come full circle, haven't we? From meaningless trivialities that have very little influence of our country's prosperity, to a mere handful of valid complaints, to this, the final proof that conservative, evangelical, fundamentalist Christians are the most retarded people in the world. First, let's start with secularization or culture; this isn't a Christian nation. Christians may be the majority, but that position is shrinking, with other religious minorities and non-religious numbers rising yearly. How is our culture secular, anyway? Everywhere I go, I see Christian T-shirts, Christian bumper stickers, Christian billboards, and churches. When I turn on the TV, roughly a fifth of my channels are religious, with Catholic, Baptist, and Orthodox Jewish programming (and, of course, the ever-idiotic drivel of Pat Robertson and John Hagee). Secondly, the concept of a "Creator God" is held by over 80% of the population; theists are many things in America, but a minority? Hardly.And finally, fuckwits, if you aren't doing "evolutionary thinking", then you're not thinking at all. I am not going to restate my position. Nor am I going to clutter up this page with links to peer-approved papers and descriptions of basic proofs for evolution; because the debate is over. Evolution is a fact. If you don't like that, I suggest you lobotomize yourself so you won't be offended by the myriad signs of it that fill every facet of the natural sciences. How many farmers were there that provided input for this survey? If any of them of them asserted No.1 as a problem, I suggest they stop updating to increasingly powerful pesticides since doing so is conceding the ongoing process of evolution that allows insects and rodents to develop resistance and even immunity to toxins that would kill a grown human.

Have fun losing your crops, dumbasses.